a glow once in a while

An unexpected turn of events last week felt like something just gave birth to another side of me. As if after an indefinite time had passed, I’d been shaken up from some deep rest.

This has been my home for ages. There was, however, another refuge on Tumbler which had laid dormant for so long; basically functioning as a photo album — one of the sites where I fling my selfies for storage. Surprisingly, the beginning of this week found me with two new Tumbler sites.

The ending seems tragic once more. But the moon will be coming for me in the evenings … always willing to heal and sweeten a half-tired existence. And I am feeling the splendour, through the motion of words words words which keep framing the legend of the once-upon-a-time girl who has perpetually toted around a silly sentimental heart.  

Time, defer your flight. Hear my heart pounding. There’s a dance I would like to go to. Let me burn a bit much longer with the stars in the night. — geena, march 2018

my response on post about struggle

It’s always pleasing to hear of your solitary walks bcz the activity is gratifying for me too. My delayed comment was intentional as others may find it tragic — nothing inspiring. My struggle stems from another sudden devastating loss two months ago whereupon acceptance of the inevitable is the only way to be able to go on. Although I have this need to be spiritual, you might know what it feels like for people who don’t believe in life after death. My whole existence has personally taught me there’s no pain equal to the ultimate separation from those who raised you or you grew up with. I went ahead with my pre-planned trip one month after and surely received flak from kinsfolk behind my back — but they are completely clueless as to the amount of sorrow I’ve been carrying all along. Grief sometimes gets set aside for one’s own survival; the heartache, however, lingers on.
I posted this comment in response to an FB pal’s post who happens to be a Mormon devotee. Maybe I shouldn’t have been so honest this time but I made the mistake of assuming he’ll be okay with the beliefs I hold and my non-religious views in the same vein I don’t judge him in spite of his unpleasant revelations and the unpalatable details reflected by his entries.
It’s not the first time I got discriminated for my views and I am not apologetic about being opinionated. If someone would expect me to be accepting of their flaws and blunders yet have trouble being tolerant themselves, I wouldn’t mind losing their friendship. Good riddance, Mr. Cootey.

Winter season was no joke

Even I am surprised to this day, a week after I arrived home, I was able to make it. The brutal freezing temperature in Europe could’ve killed me. It was suuuper doooper cold. Really. Well, what do you expect, I’m not from the West, I’m a Filipino. We only have the dry and the wet season here.

I’m still not in the mood to write. I’ll just publish my recent post on my FB account. But I’m looking forward to write creatively again. Reading and writing — my other passions beside traveling. Meanwhile, I’m simply glad I came back in one piece. There were times I thought I’d die from lack of sleep, inability to eat by reason of feeling nauseous, and of course, the harsh weather. Brrrr….

Btw, here are the places I’ve been to: Wilderswil Switzerland, Vienna Austria, Prague Czech Republic, Budapest Hungary, Ljubjana Slovenia, Venice Italy, Paris France, Amsterdam Netherlands, Nuremberg, Bratislava, Florence Italy and Rhine Valley Germany.

The experience of my solo voyage, though not easy, is absolutely well worth it. Many lessons have been learned: My first-time encounter with winter, for one, was most challenging and slightly curbed my original plans and the adventurous spirit in me. But whatever risks and complications I faced would always be shoved behind my passion for traveling. The beautiful places, people, and memorable events could only stay unforgettable.

in Vienna, Austria
Wilderswil, Zwitserland
Prague, Czech Republic
Venice, Italy
Prague, Czech Republic
Leaning Tower of Pisa
Snow in Oldtimer Zobern, Austria
Florence, Italy

Of course, more pics to come — whether you like it or not. 😀

I’m Going To Europe For The 3rd Time

My favorite destination: Europe. My flight is tonight. I’ll be staying within that continent for two weeks. I’m spending Christmas and New Year there, too.

It’s my very first solo journey. Completely on my own. Prepared for several months for this. Am I petrified? You bet I am. They keep on saying it’s the dead of winter now in that part of the globe. and I easily feel cold. So again, am I petrified? The correct answer should be: will it help if I am?

I hope to see falling snow. It’s my dream. I’m not sure I’ll get the chance to witness such a spectacular view. I hope I will.

Whenever  I travel abroad I make this tiny assumption I may not be able to come back. One thing I learned about life: You never know what’s gonna happen next. Anyway, I wrote this post a testament as well to the love of my life, my father and all the pets I’ve had. I’m gonna miss my cat, Snowy, who I have to leave behind for a while until I come back. My brother and his partner will look after him.

I’ll be posting photos as soon as I can. and I will add more to this post later as I am in a hurry; I’m on my way to the airport. Wish me a very happy and safe trip.

most beautiful people on the planet

The norwegians. I’ve seen other citizens from half a dozen places on this earth yet the unadorned physical good looks of the Norway inhabitants I consider exceptional. It amazed me to see young women working as security guards and waitresses who looked like movie stars. Mere clerks at airport booths are hunks with flawless, a bit reddish complexion and perfect facial features that literally took my breath away.

The thing is, they aren’t polite or kind. Most of them are rude. I guess their looks and the affluence of their nation made them that way.

Still, if I have to choose which country I would like to live in forever, Norway it is — if only for the best-looking natives in that magnificent land.

I took this cute image somewhere in a beautiful place in Norway last year. 

I Wonder Who

My stats show somebody from the Philippines keeps on dropping by my blog regularly. I hope it isn’t any of my former colleagues at my last job because it’s not fair that they continue to be engrossed as to what’s going on in my daily existence while I don’t give an ounce of attention over any of them. Sure a few are still somewhat connected to me on FB although I’d unfollowed them all because their affairs just don’t interest me.

I don’t mind if I have a follower who’s a complete stranger. Whatever I write here won’t be much of an issue to him or her.

What if that consistent visitor happens to be my son? Oh well…. He ‘kinda told me off in one of his recent text messages about my hidden resentment towards him. When I read his note, my mind was like “wtf, you expect me to be happy and proud of your unconscionable demeanor towards your mother for the past three years?” Of course I know he’s been reading my blog — he was the one who set it up in the first place. He’s probably checking periodically if I’m still alive. He still has a hard time believing I’ve lasted this long on my own.

I visited and talked to him during the height of the dreadful crisis last month. Because I wanted him to at least do the right thing and pay his last respects to someone who had loved him dearly. Mind you, the brat was once more so full of himself to think about other people other than his ego and imagined hurt pride. I can’t believe I raised that huge of a monster.

During our text messaging and especially in our last conversation face to face I kept telling him I love him. It’s true — he’s my child. The 22 years we’d been together 24/7 cannot be erased; even though it’s become clear he doesn’t love me. The boy who grew up with me — despite losing him eventually — still remains in my heart.

He’d definitely condemn me again if he reads this post. I say, “Dear child, it only proves you are not a De Leon — which I am and truly proud of. You are a Mamaradlo; only your father’s blood runs deep and pure in you.”

I gave him instructions (what to do) when it’s my time to pass away. Cremation and no funeral for me. Not surprising if he ends up tossing out my ashes wherever (although I hope it’d be in some beautiful sea 🙂 ). His inexplicable indignation no doubt he will hold on to.

I’d been a good and responsible mother; that I can uphold until the end of my days. May I be able to live many many more years to rejoice on that fact and take delight with what’s left in my life.



-dinner after hearing mass on the 9th day. Feeling terrible; not motivated to make myself pretty.