Attachment and The Sentimental Fool That I Am

I stand for the belief that any form of love should feel breezy,

like the cool winds of a calm December morning..

because love isn’t meant to cause torment or any kind of struggle.

And if I fail to reap the wonder and ease it’s supposed to bring,

then it’ll remain as an unfulfilled longing

I’m willing to let go for all eternity..                 –January marj 2012

 

There goes another brief missive that I posted on my FB wall this weekend. These lines naturally came up to me in a span of forty five minutes while at work a couple of days ago, although I do have an idea now what moved me to write this topic. Definitely a few certain some ones who have recently figured on my mind..

You may already know this about me. Saying goodbye sucks. I even get attached to things which make purging my stuff an arduous and agonizing task.

My colleagues have repeatedly advised me against getting attached to anything, or rather anyone. They could sense it. Letting go has always been difficult for a sentimental fool that I am. Why do you think becoming a cold-hearted Juliet is one of my aspirations this year?

Recent events have me pondering why I shouldn’t open myself up so as not to risk becoming vulnerable to any more “unnecessary” pain. As it’s such a sure thing for a heartbreak coming down the pike, don’t you think?

For the times when I’ve read how attachment has become one of the major causes of human suffering, this question has hounded me for the longest period. Is it possible to stay away from circumstances that will have me crying buckets of tears caused by emotional threads I sometimes inadvertently weave?

And so it got me remembering the words written by my all-time favorite role model Helen Gurley Brown, “Why couldn’t you just have enjoyed the headiness of it all without being so federal case out of your brain about the whole thing?

You couldn’t. You never can, and you must never apologize to yourself for the one you’ve given all that passion to. It could only be that way at that special time, and if you cared, you cared..”

Very well said.

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4 thoughts on “Attachment and The Sentimental Fool That I Am

  1. This poem by Christina Henry speaks very well to your post. You have so much within you that this world needs desperately, and I hope you will reconsider your goal of becoming a “cold-hearted Juliet,” and instead, consider the goal of demonstrating to your colleagues that you don’t have to become “attached” to share in the joy and wonder of loving another….

    To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
    To weep is to appear sentimental.
    To reach out for another is to risk involvement.
    To expose feelings is to risk exposing yourself.
    To place your ideas, your dreams before the crowd
    is to risk their loss.

    To love is to risk not being loved in return.
    To hope is to risk despair.
    To try is to risk failure.
    But the greater hazard in life is to risk nothing,
    They may avoid suffering and sorrow,
    But they simply cannot
    learn, feel, change, grow or love.
    Chained by certitudes, they are slaves
    who have forfeited freedom.

    Only a person who risks is Free.

    By Christina Henry

  2. John, I’ve always known about this classic poem by C. Henry. Do you think I haven’t heeded her advice all my life? There were times when I threw caution to the wind and did things in the name of love. Sure I don’t regret the memories and lessons I accumulated from them, but there comes a point in our lives when we say, “well, give me a break.” 🙂
    Can you please shed more light as to why attachment has become the cause of most human sufferings? And I don’t think it’s ever possible to share in the joy and wonder of loving one another without (feelings) getting “attached”.
    Ha ha! Not to worry. I don’t think I’ll ever become a cold-hearted Juliet. 🙂

    • We so easily become attached to others, in my view, because we are social creatures who rely on family, friends, and our communities to live. If we could not become attached in some important way to others, we might not have survived as a species.

      Suffering the loss of a cherished attachment, not only to people but to ways of thinking, being, living, and to have no choice but to continue constructing our lives without them can either be paralyzing or transformative, depending on our choices in response to the loss. We can shut people out or abandon an attachment just as they can do with us, or we can find a way to share without attachment. There is a choice.

      Again, I think Kahlil Gibran had it absolutely right when he wrote:

      “Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
      Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
      Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup.
      Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.
      Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
      Even as the strings of a lute are alone, though they quiver with the same music.

      Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping,
      For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
      And stand together, yet not too near together:
      For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
      And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”

      All the best to you , always…….John H.

  3. I’m not sure love is ever easy. Yeah, it should be, but it never seems to be. It’s always work once that first blush wears off. It’s work with a rich reward, but it does take commitment and effort.

    And I also think that, as with all great rewards, the risks and consequences can be great as well. As as life-long romantic, I’ve experienced love many times, but none of them lasted, unfortunately. I sometimes think I just never met someone who was willing to make that “hell or high water” commitment. In the end, that’s what really seems to matter… being willing to make a permanent commitment.

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