We are observing Holy Week and today is Holy Thursday here. No work. Yay. It’s customary for people to head to the beach during this period. But I’ve no intention of doing so as I’ve longed for this luxury to just stay home for a few days, do some spring cleaning and hopefully catch up on my writing. Yes I haven’t written anything here for several weeks now because of my busy schedule and because of certain personal reasons.
For the past couple of weeks, I’ve had the privilege though of browsing through a few of the most interesting blog sites I’ve ever seen at WordPress. It’s mainly due to a highly popular female blogger who keeps a blog that might be the center of this community of intellectuals. Composed of mostly astute thinkers who write penetrating, brilliant posts about their lives and other interesting stuff, it shelters amazing writers with fragmented souls who inspire me because I’m a broken soul myself (although I ain’t an intellectual like any of them :-)). How I love to read their stories and what it takes for them to soldier on despite their torments and handicaps in life. Such a relief to find authenticity from their writings that somehow validate my own feelings of inadequacy and disintegration.
One of them is this lady blogger in her fifties who first caught my attention when she wrote her reasons for blogging in her neighbor’s blog. She definitely writes from the heart, and she holds nothing back. Backed by her more than excellent writing competence, she captivated me enough to become an instant fan of her blog. There can be only admiration for this woman who tells her stories in raw honesty. Her courage to express the agonies she’s been locking in her soul is formidable. Once her story and her words have held my attention, it’ll grip me to the very end. A week ago, her piece as to the deep agony she has been experiencing from the cold treatment she has gotten from one of her sons came out. Her inspiration to write that story came from another equally talented young male blogger whose blog by the way enthralled me likewise (but that would deserve another post here). Anyway, her story resonated with me as I am a mother to a young man too and have felt I made quite a few mistakes being his single parent. (I never abandoned my son though as I couldn’t possibly live without him. My misdeeds were a lot more inconsequential but nevertheless faulty that an exemplary parent should not do.) As this lady blogger peeled each layer of her story, it pierced deeper and deeper into my marrow until I couldn’t take it any more I had to stop and get away from my computer to try to free myself from her pain that was wrenching my heart.
A few days after, she had a follow-up post where one of the commenters blew us all by saying we have no right to expect anything from our children. That we should not mistake their distance as gross misconduct and it’s their absolute right to choose to expel us parents from their lives. We do not own them at all and we simply have to respect whatever decisions they make in their lives, even if it kills us in the aftermath. Period. Tough but so true. The lady blogger took the advice with grace and humility I’m bowled over by it all.
How blessed I feel for taking a part merely as a reader in all those exchanges and gaining such wisdom as a prize.
And how fortunate I feel that my son is still with me. No lady has taken him away from me yet. Sometimes, when I watch my son from a distance whether he’s busy doing something or simply sleeping, my heart gets overwhelmed by the realization of just how lucky I am for having him in my life. It’s crystal clear I am still everything to my child. But only for now. Things will change in the near future I’ve no doubt about that. I just pray I’ll never have to experience what my favorite lady blogger has been going through these days.
Bohemian Sentiments 
I finally got curious, (and found time), and headed over here, and was blown away. I’ve been picking up new readers here and there for a while now, and sometimes I manage to head over to their space and explore and bit, and sometimes I never quite make the trip. I’m really glad I found my way over here tonight. The picture of you and your son really made me smile. He’s such a handsome guy, and so TALL. Bet it’s been a few years since he’s been your “little guy”.
Brought back memories of when my own son was still under my roof, and still a part of my every day life. Yep, sometimes you have to stop and look around and realize that today, for right now, you still get to see all the different parts of his life. All too soon he will move in another direction, and then you’ll wonder how to find your center again. Hopefully you’ll always stay connected in one way or another with your son, but once they leave your home and get out there on their own, everything changes. People talked to me about “apron strings” and “empty nest syndrome” and I always scoffed … thinking it wouldn’t happen to me. Boy was I wrong about that one!
It’s nice to make your acquaintance. I’m sure we’ll continue to cross paths again. The blog world is really a wonderful place. It seems every day I’m meeting people from across the globe, and it turns out many of us share a lot of the same dreams and hopes. Not so surprising, really. 🙂
I’m quite honored you were able to drop by here. When I click Like or make a comment to other blogs, I do it solely for the purpose of expressing my appreciation to the blogger and the deserving entry. Your visit here is like a whopping bonus for me. Everything that came after I got hooked on your “why do you blog” comment has been like a constant gift from one of the finest writers I’ve seen on the blogosphere.
“You are my son-shine” brought tears to my eyes and made me cherish more whatever remains of my pre-empty nest years. Thank you for sharing as much as you can to the world. You’ve no idea how your wisdom, strength and talents have benefited us all your lucky readers.
Thank you for your wonderful comment on our photo. My “little guy then” has just turned 20 this month.
I can only hope to be as formidable and remarkable as you are in the near future. Let’s stay strong.
your words are so generous, and kind.
thank you for visiting my little corner of the world.
I still have a hard time seeing myself as “a writer” but rather, simply as someone who uses writing to work through whatever issues are facing them on any given day. I’m incredibly blessed to be part of the blogging community, and am happy to meet you. 🙂
That’s what’s so good about having a blog. It becomes a form of outlet for the feelings and thoughts that we can’t usually say directly to people we interact with personally and especially if they’re involved. Here, we can express them all and inadvertently, be an inspiration or a proof for somebody else that what we go through, they can also relate to and learn from even if we don’t really know each other personally etc.
I admire your strength for being able to raise a child alone. Being a parent is hard even if you have a partner to share the obligation and the responsibility with but it’s harder when you’re alone in doing a job that usually takes two people to do. And I know, your son appreciates and loves you for everything that you have done and more. 🙂
You couldn’t have said it better. Having a blog is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. The pleasure I gain from both reading and writing here is immeasurable. Though catching up on the blog posts of all these great minds (including yours) is currently the biggest challenge for me. 🙂
Single parenting can be truly overwhelming. How many times have I wanted to simply curl up in bed and let the next day take care of itself? More than I’m willing to admit I guess. But Life demands of us to keep putting our big girl pants on and go forward.
Yes, the most glorious reward I’ve been getting right now is my son’s unmitigated affection for me. And he remains to be my principal reason for getting up every morning.
Your insightful comment and your kind words have been well-appreciated.
I have to admit, it’s a bit hard to catch up on all blog posts but when I’m able to do so, I could stay for hours just reading and thinking, :).
Based from what you said, you’ve done a great job of holding on and making it work. I’m very happy for you. 🙂 It also made me realize the things my parents do for me. The love of a parent really is great. 🙂
EDITED: (march 2018) “How fortunate I feel that my son is still with me. No lady or career has taken him away from me yet. Sometimes, when I watch him from a distance whether he’s busy doing something or simply asleep, my heart gets steeped in gladness by his presence in my life. It’s clear I am everything to my only child. But only for now. Things might change in the near future, I’m afraid. Nevertheless, what happened to that female blogger whose son kept his silence and put a cold distance between them won’t happen to me — not with the kind of bond that cements my son and I. And I’ve been a very good mother.” This one I wrote more than three years ago.
Well, fast forward a few years to reach to this day – the female blogger proved accurate in her prediction of me and my child. As soon as he developed wings, my son simply flew away and wouldn’t come back. He’s now out of reach and I’ve no idea why. What a fool I’ve been. I’m still trying to muster the courage to write to her and tell her how much of a laughing stock I must have turned out to be.
There’s nothing more humiliating than people thinking you’ve failed as a parent.