Unfortunately, I lost my “free wifi” more than a couple of weeks back. I knew it would end someday somehow. Losing it though wasn’t as meaningful as the repercussions it created that had me stumped. Something more precious got lost in the aftermath and it opened my eyes to a few certain truths I had not wanted to face. It’s like kissing a lovely illusion goodbye for the last time..
Embracing the inevitability of change has always been a struggle for me. As the realization that hit me broke my heart, I couldn’t help but weep silently and curl up in bed in the stillness of some nights.
At this stage in my life when my foremost wish is to make peace both with my past and the people who have mattered to me, I’ve got to be magnanimous in my losses, enough to relent and ask that pardon be granted upon me. The slate has to be wiped clean once more to pave the path for new beginnings.
Have I revealed too much about my past here? Has this blog reflected more than it should on the secrets of my soul? Perhaps so. I knew I’d run the risk of being judged for failing to mince my words. And that I’d be considered as another flawed human being who has been carrying around certain unwanted baggage. I could have lost my virtual friends and readers alike in the process. Nonetheless, I want to remain true to what this blog stands for. Mythical prose has hardly been my aim which means I won’t in any case compromise the authenticity of what I put in here.., where my anonymity my only remaining shield.., no matter what it takes.
I never pretended to be anything I’m not in my whole life and that has always been essential for my survival. In the same vein, I’ve wanted this blog to be the place where I can be totally myself. A place where I can laugh and dance when in high spirits, or fall on my knees and sob during despondent moments.
More than twice in my life, I’ve been told it isn’t easy to comprehend the complexities that comprise the layers of my core. But for me, after all has been said and done, it’s the simplicity of my mind and my life’s desires that sustain me when I can’t seem to find purpose and clarity in the crucial fragments of my existence.
I’m trudging my way around this time so I might not have to keep skating on the edges of sentimental rains. But I’d still keep coming back here anyway, hoping for a glimpse of another dawn. Or a rainbow perhaps.
Someday when I reach the limits of my life’s journey, I hope I may give a fresh try to light upon a place in the timeless benevolence of your hearts and minds.