Whenever my memory pokes to remind me of my naive self in my 20s, I get a strong urge to hop on any time machine available to be able to hunt down the younger me from years back – and give her a couple of large slaps on each cheek so that she may wake up to her senses when it comes to dealing with the affairs of the heart.
Reading some single ladies – both young and old, including highly intelligent ones – blog about romantic love or lack of it in their lives these days makes me cringe and wonder if I had sounded that much asinine myself in the annals of this site. After all, this blog has been serving as my diary and memoir – where a huge lack of shame on my part must be exercised to target its purpose.
It’s impossible to chronicle my romantic past without somehow indulging in a moderate degree of male bashing here. It is something I have evaded for too long as there are a few male blog pals who have become dear to my heart; each of them earning a special place in my blogging world in distinctive ways. Basically, I like men as friends and as the opposite sex. But I need to set that fact aside in writing something like this for the enlightenment, hopefully, of women my kind. A blog buddy has given his blessings for me to go ahead. So if any of my other male pals comes across this post, may they have the better sense to skip reading and turn away. This piece is dedicated exclusively for female readers – the single ones to be precise.
Listen, my dear ladies: Once you’ve reached your forties, you will make a fool of yourself if you treat the search for a good man a serious matter. When you begin approaching middle-age, a nice-looking single guy with good character and good intentions is already impossible to find. It’s not your fault. Blame it on the globe’s oversupply of our gender species. Now in case you attempt to make it with a dude younger than you – it’s gonna be pointless still. Unless your intention is pure torrid sex and lotsa fun. Men generally think in the “What’s in it for me?” mode. They are naturally inclined that way. As a result, we women will be a never-ending subject for exploitation and humiliation – if we don’t watch it. On the other hand, if you go for an older guy, well… I doubt a man your age or your senior will take an interested glance your direction by reason of your (maturing) good looks. You see, older men could only itch for girls young enough to be their daughters. Again, it’s their natural inclination. Just like when they glue themselves much into free porn and are busy subscribing to sites that exhibit very young poor girls from all over the world taking their clothes off online. If you’re a wife to one of them, you might ask, “What’s become of my role, then?” Not to worry, you still get the “honor” of being your husband’s caretaker in his twilight years. FYI: Why do ya think Japanese wives are in a hustle to divorce their husbands once retirement years come around? Simple. To claim both their freedom and the money from their pervert mates. Clever Asian gals, huh.
Others will advise you “Don’t lose hope. Keep on searching for the frog. For your Prince, I mean.” That is mighty old school. I say, let it go if it’s not meant to be. Let your rational mind rule your heart. You deserve the best things this planet can offer – including a True Love or The Real One meant for you. Not just anything and anyone. You don’t need to waste your precious time… nor your precious heart repeatedly.
Look, ladies, I do believe in soulmates. How else can you explain the few cases of undying commitment and amour (with lust) between a couple like Prince Charles and Camilla, Sting and Trudie Styler, John Lennon and Yoko Ono, Paul and Linda McCartney, etc. They definitely have what most other couples don’t have. Unions other than theirs are either based on fleeting attraction or pragmatic matters which require a lot of hard work for continuity. If you’ve really found the right one for you, Congrats. If not, ask yourself these questions: Don’t you have better things to do than settle for less than the real thing? Do you really need just any “distraction” to get you through life?
Remember as well: If it isn’t written in the cards for you to grow old with a man, no amount of whining and seductive verses on your blog can alter your single status. I mean, c’mon… Sure such verbal stunts tickle the dirty fantasies of your male readers. But that’s all. You still are plain entertainment, in their POV.
We can always choose to release ourselves from the bondage of vain hopes and the disappointment of unmet expectations. Don’t forget how blessed a woman is if she doesn’t take for granted the many things she actually enjoys on her solo flight such as her family & friends, her job, her hobbies, her freedom, her independence, and her sanity. If I hadn’t suffered the severest blow of my whole existence earlier this year, you’d still find me on my knees counting my lucky stars above. Life is awesomely beautiful, with or without a man on your side.
I swear that when I reach my 50s, which is some few years from now, I’ll be totally holding my peace about singlehood and go commit myself to the nunnery. Until then, let’s all try harder to be dignified about this “not having a man” thing. Do we have a deal, single ladies out there?
I remember a certain children’s song from my childhood: “Calm down, Sit down, Stop rocking the boat.” Aah, wrong lyrics. But you get the message, I’m sure.
32 thoughts on “The Satirical Hard Facts About Being Single (Strictly For Ladies Only)”
Wicked! Alas, all too true. 🙂
Mikels, ha ha! You’re not even supposed to see this. Please don’t take it seriously; I was trying to be funny and wasn’t thinking of the good kind in which you certainly belong when I wrote this. C’mon, I can’t lose you as my blog pal now. 🙂
Not a chance! We rarely get to see what you *really* think! 😉
Reblogged this on The Sexy Cynics.
This is more truth than I have seen in a long time. I reblogged on Sexy Cynics (my other site). I am 45 and either married men, 20-somethings or 70+-year olds are what come at me. You are also spot-on regarding men my age wanting a woman their daughters age. It is disgusting. I have dated younger guys (I have one now), but I keep it casual when I do because no matter what they think they feel about me “right now” is most certainly not how they will feel about me as the wrinkles deepen. I totally feel I will be alone for the rest of my life.
Dear Cheri, I’m so glad you dropped by here and liked my post.
The truth is, I’d been longing to write a post like this for ages but the thought of offending my male readership always stopped me. Reading the blog posts of a highly-skilled and talented female writer who lamented on not having a man around became the locomotive for this piece.
I’ve always envied how men regard women and their relationships.They rarely lose their cool when it comes to matters of the heart. Yeah, it’s a given we are more melodramatic than the opposite gender, although I believe there’s hope that if ladies are conditioned to behave more rationally about love, society won’t look down on us as emotional lunatics.
Please don’t take my post seriously. your current relationship with a younger man has a better chance of surviving than if you were in it with an older guy – in my opinion. You don’t have to feel you’re going to end up alone for the rest of your life if your current romance is making you happy. There’s always hope. In case it doesn’t last, I’m sure you’ll still be alright (reminiscing on the fun you’ve had especially ;-)).
Thank you so much for the reblog, my dear lady.
I think contentment with oneself is deeply attractive, and produces its own unique form of gravity. Constantly looking from without to find validation ruins woman. Men ruin women.
But a self-sufficient woman, a non-reactive to the male problem sort of woman, produces her own form of allure. Women used to be considered the civilizing agents of men. That idea has gone out of fashion, and look what’s happened. If you can find a man who is willing to submit to this higher truth, to the fact that it is only in devotion to what is tender will he be set free, than go for it. Gone are the Paul’s and the John’s of yesteryear. Why? Why did we tell men that indulging their appetites would bring them relief from their animal nature? I truly don’t know. We are more animalistic now than ever before, yet unlike any other time in human history do we deny our primitivism. Global Capitalism might be to blame. BTW, both Paul and John suffered as young men, both lost their mothers in their teen years. They were also sensitive artists and living inside a time in history where the ideas of artists still impacted and guided culture. The culture in a sense made being a sensitive, caring man a good thing, not a shame. If you can find a man who has been able to turn his tragic loss into some form of art, a man who understands the concept of form and devotion to any brand of aesthetic form, that’s a find, in my opinion. Also you need to find a man who thinks for himself, who is humble. I really don’t know where such a man might come from. Women by their very natures are made humble, we are lucky in this way, our biology tempers us, produces in us a natural depth. Men, without women, simply do not have this natural tempering. Men are rockets, women are dark caves…we by our nature consider the importance of light, or the need for illumination beyond ourselves. Men are so simple, they think they can point their projectiles to the stars and call it a day. I sound like I hate men, I certainly don’t, I do often find their masculine simplicity, at times a nice reprieve from my feminine mystique. But anymore, I just can’t tolerate the untempered male vibe, the male as untethered from his decency, which once came in the form of devotion to something other than his lightening rod. But this is our big world. It’s all about sex now. As if sex was something stable upon which we could found a decent civilization.
Hi! I’m so glad you came by and posted a wonderful comment. Please give me more time to think of a worthy reply – until tomorrow. I’m afraid my comprehension will fail me at this time of the night. Thanks. I’ll be back in a little while. Take care, dear blogger.
Hello again. Your deeply insightful comment required a second and third rereading at my end in order for me to come up with a fitting response. First of all, you certainly didn’t come off as someone who hates men. I’ve read almost all your posts and I thought you belong to the fortunate ones who had found their Mr. Rights. I’ve also seen you successfully preserve your camaraderie with your male pals on our blogosphere. That is one thing we share in common I think – liking men while being on guard so they may not ruin us. 🙂
How I agree with you on the many points you raised above about men and women. Men are actually simple. Women much more complex. In spite of this, I’m not exactly sure what has caused men to treat women nowadays with increased nonchalance. I keep on reading how women from all over the world complain about men’s infidelity, narcissism, laziness, immaturity and other appalling conduct. Do we women play a part in all this? Male relationship counselors answered yes to that question. They say it’s because women have permitted and tolerated men in their lives to act in unacceptable manners for so long that their actions within their romantic relationships, as a result, are no longer different from a spoiled kid’s behavior to his mom. Global capitalism, as you mentioned, made matters worse. Not to mention society’s lack of participation in empowering women, conditioning them against emotional or physical masochism – and (even) the plain factor of men shortage in many cities of the world. That women have lowered themselves to become more and more available as sex commodities will make matters even worse in generations to come, I believe.
This is one post that has not been easy for me to publish because I might be accused by one or two of knowing it all or pinning down issues between men and women. I’m not saying women are without faults, but I’m clinging to my conviction that the female gender typically gets the short end of the stick in a relationship.
Thank you, again, for sharing your valuable thoughts here.
Even though im happily married, i definitely think you do not need a man to feel complete – im my own person still and feel thrilled that i never fell into the trap of feeling completely overshadowed or absorbed into another human being
It’s a pleasure to welcome you here. I read your lovely post linked above and it makes me glad to learn of women who can proclaim after 10 years of marriage that “yes, I’d definitely marry him all over again.”
You are right in saying a woman must have her own identity even though she has been sharing her life with someone for several years. I agree as well that the feeling of completeness in a romantic union can only come when you know deep inside you’ve made the right decision in choosing your mate. Many women nowadays feel they don’t have much choice other than accepting less than they deserve.
Pardon me for the delay in replying. Sleep and Sunday errands got in the way.
I appreciate that you took the time to visit and leave a message.
No worries – I’m just back from my Sunday errands aswell! Its true, i think many women today just settle for less, because they think they should be married through family or peer pressure or that their clock is ticking, so therefore anyone will do! I think if i didnt meet my husband – i would be single today, seriously! Or i definitely wouldnt be married. As it stands – i feel this will be my one and only endeavor into the world of coupledom – I’m very happy content in myself and my husband is the best thing in the world to me but i know on some other level i’m a complete human being without him – i think being single is not the end of the world!
Great Post Marj! How do you define nunnery? Are we talking nunnery like a convent or cloister? Or maybe like Hamlet’s use of it? 😉
Martin, I only know of one kind. And it isn’t a place that would likely welcome someone like me with wide open arms. 🙂
Ahhh, lol! Real convents or Cloisters would accept you with open arms I’m sure Marj, The other nunnery isn’t place where nuns would go… 😉 But, story has me thinking about my own dating options being 49 and single. Young women are definitely eye-candy but generally to high maintenance for my tastes. Personally, I prefer women around my own age. I tend to use a lot of obscure references and anecdotes that younger women simply do not get. So when I do find someone to settle down with, it will most likely be someone in my age range… 🙂
Impressive. Men like you who still appreciate women their age are scarce. I’ve known men who are nearing their 60s and 70s hunting down or hooking up with girls young enough to be their granddaughters. Eew. 😀
In the back of my mind, I have always known you are a nice guy. Don’t prove me wrong. 🙂
Reblogged this on ASpoonfulofSuga and commented:
Even though this was strictly for the ladies this was one of the most honest and funniest posts I’ve come across in a while. Read it and pass it on!!!!!!!!!!!!
This was fucking awesome !!! I would like to see more posts like this from you. This is proof positive of your writing talent and the appeal of what you have to say !!!! This is how you see things, you should have to worry about your male readership being angry. Satire and bashing are very important, they do a service. I think they service as reminders to remove our heads from our asses.
Seriously let loose write more !!! I felt reading this is this the closest Ive come to Marj the Person through your blog posts. A lot of times I read it and get an image of ya, but with this one I got Marj herself
Oh Dave, This is a risky piece for me and is actually meant to be a one-shot attempt at satire on women’s singlehood and men. I will have to admit the words flowed easily to me while writing this. I don’t know. Maybe all those thoughts had been bottling up inside for quite a while and they were mighty glad to have finally found release. 🙂
Funny that I didn’t fear I would lose your support in spite of the publication of this post. Our friendship is made of stronger stuff to give me such confidence, I guess.
You know you are well loved, dearest pal. Thank you so much for the reblog and for always building me up.
I know this post wasn’t meant to be taken too seriously, but there are obvious truths revealed throughout — the result of some painful experiences, I’m sure. For me, the word search jumped out at me, several times. Maybe that’s the problem. I’ve learned (through a lot of painful experience myself) that I usually find what I want when I’m not looking for it. An active search usually has me coming up empty. Or jumping at the wrong thing. Most of us are just not very good at quickly assessing a newly-found object — especially if that object is a relationship with another human being. It takes time, and we’re too impatient.
Mr Boy (Mr 55? :)) makes a good comment about searching, and I have experienced similar. I once heard it compared to using your finger to chase a speck floating in your milk. The speck just evades your finger, no matter how quick you are. Chasing love rarely seems to work (advertising for Match-dot-com aside). Being open to it and placing yourself in situations where it can occur and grow, that does seem to work.
I’m glad you were writing for humor, because otherwise I’d have to put you over my knee and spank you (and it wouldn’t necessarily be foreplay). But there are many truths that peek out between the lines. Men, no doubt, can be real shits some times. You just have to understand that, in our souls, we’re deeply, deeply devoted to pussy and everything that goes along with it (breasts! yum!!). It’s that simple. It’s built into our DNA for cryin’ out loud, so it’s not really our fault, as such. It’s not like we chose to be like this. (“I’d like the large bicep muscles and the height in 6+, give the the wavy hair and blue eyes, and, oh yes, make me highly beholden to my penis, please.”)
In fact, most of us manage to act very civilized about it most of the time. When you consider how it works throughout the animal kingdom, we’ve come a long way, baby!
I will say, for the record, that porn tastes cover a range that surprises even a hardened (no pun intended) experienced cynic such as myself. Young girls to the contrary, there is such a thing as “granny porn” (I know, right?), and “MILF” and mature woman porn is a major genre. (In point of fact, when I, um, “lean”, I lean more towards those latter categories than I do the “barely legal” ones… young girls can be sorta pretty to look at, but they are, as you put it once, “boh-ring”. The women I lust after these days are all “of a certain age.” I’ll take a woman who knows what she’s about over some young thing any day!)
Marj, dear: AS I have said before, I have a long list of complaints about the way women have treated me, but I don’t blame it on women, per se. Neither should women blame men, as a group (for that way lies bigotry). No, the sad truth is that, generally speaking, people are selfish shits, but some try to rise above it even if just momentarily. There are raisins, male and female alike, in that there shit pile, but make no mistake: finding them is noisome business!
This is the hardest for me to respond among all the comments you posted a few days ago. I was actually afraid to receive a virtual spank from you. 🙂
Although we’ve discussed about this topic several times in your blog, I was delighted to receive what you had to say here after reading it the third time (my comprehension can get really slow, you know). Wait, what is MILF?
Wyrd, Everything I’ve said here is supported not just by my lifetime experience, but by wide reading, keen observation from people around me, not to mention what my male pals and family members have told me and shown me through their actions. I don’t think my post is purely subjective in content.
If there is such a thing as granny porn, then it basically targets women audience. 🙂 I don’t believe older men would enjoy anything that wouldn’t freshen up their virile egos. It’s similar to how men generally would say they like intelligent women, but actually end up marrying dumb and submissive women to serve them well. I’ve got to say you may not belong to this class because you chose to remain single and didn’t run out to get just any girl to take care of you.
Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts, Wyrd.
Oh, my virtual spanks are pretty harmless and boh-ring. Bark, no bite, on the interweb you know.
I don’t think we’re finding much disagreement on the behavior of the common homo sapian male. Our lifelong observations share many data points. What may be absent is that I’ve also spent a lifetime studying — sometimes in very close proximity — the common homo sapian female. All I’m saying is, peas in a pod, my dear, peas in a pod. There’s no moral high ground here.
[Wanna talk personal experience, here’s exhibit “A”: woman gets up in front of her friends and family and makes a really huge promise — a “vow” most would say — involving ‘thick and thin’ and ‘forever’ and ‘until death doth us part.’ She makes this promise to someone she can’t be convinced not to refer to as, “Literally the greatest guy in the world!” Within a few years, she changes her mind. Nothing else changes. No new behavior to regret, no new knowledge to force reconsideration. Same guy. Exact same guy. She changes her mind so much that she ends the marriage.]
That’s hardly a unique experience, so I don’t agree with the implication men are in some fashion “worse” than women. I don’t think there is any better or worse. I think there’s just people. (For a brief period in the late 70s I ran a crew of silver-lame clad teenage girl usherettes at a Las Vegas concert theatre. I could tell you stories that would make your skin crawl!)
That said, I completely agree both genders have their… characteristics. Comedians have found delicious meat therein for a long time. Comedy of the sexes is a staple of comedy! The comparison of men and women to dogs and cats has its truth points! (And now you really understand my reference to pussy! :D)
As for the granny porn, I suggest that your experience is limited. The variety of sexual tastes out there is… jaw dropping. I get these catalogs in the mail sometimes… I consider myself pretty open-minded and experienced, but… wow, just wow. (“MILF” is essentially code for “mature woman”. It actually stands for Mother I’d Like to Fuck. There’s kind of an implicit “Woman old enough to be a” in front of it.)
More to the point, your assertion that men only want young girls is just flat out wrong. No doubt that’s true for (as has been mentioned) boys, but by the time a guy is a man, girls aren’t very interesting anymore, even sexually. When it comes to surgeons, airplane pilots and lovers, experience is way, way, WAY better! As I suggested above, I’ll take a woman over a girl any day.
I really enjoyed reading this piece! Keep up the good work!
In the same way I enjoy your writing style and blog pieces. Thanks.
It’s way past midnight there, if I’m not mistaken, while it’s lunchtime at work over here :-).
Warmest Regards, dear pal..
My opinion: Boys objectify women, men respect women. Women have a mind and will of their own, girls do not. Real men want real women. Boys want playthings called girls. There are more boys in this world than there are men. And what makes a person one or the other is not their age.
Dear Micah, I just got online; please pardon me for the delay in my response. I so much agree to what you implied that the problem could be caused by boys (with regards to mental state) outnumbering men. A 60-year-old man can possess the immaturity of a 17 year old, while a 25-year-old guy can think in the manner of a sensible 50 year old. Still, it’s a conundrum why older women have to hook up with younger men when they should be going out with men their age, and vice versa. I’m positive there are still wonderful men around – and you are one of them. Your wife is one lucky gal.
I’m glad to see you here. And I hope this post didn’t rile you up in any way. 🙂
I reckon you should repost this titled For Single Men Only…any bloke offended by your candid and dead accurate pov is precisely who needs the wake up call. There’s not many of us out there, I know, but us decent blokes get just as pissed off at these peanuts as you girls. Good stuff, write on, I say, write on! Respect REDdog
To have you as one of my guests is among the best things that came out of this post, REDdog. Thank you for your support and kind words. I’m aware you’re one of the good kind by the manner you talked about your better half in your blog. Just want you to know you write wonderfully and I’ve been your secret fan for weeks now. You are the only blogger from Le Clown’s site who has impressed me with his honesty and words. It really feels good to have found excellent writers like you.
Lady, you are too kind…thank you for the compliment. Cheers Rd
On the subject of grown up men being attracted to grown up women… have you never asked yourself why I follow this blog? Sure, you’re a decent writer, but I don’t follow writers just because they’re writers…
hey, I honestly missed seeing this comment in my notifications. All this time I’ve been thinking this most popular post of mine has got only 30 comments. I was surprised to find out earlier this evening it’s more than that. And delightfully, it came from you.
Wyrd, you’re making me blush…. 😉