Last-Minute Solemn Thoughts and Revelations Before Setting Off

*I am not religious, even though there’s an intermittent need in me to somehow believe in a most august force. I’ve often pondered, however, on the dictum that God is Love. For everything that is beautiful in our world is tended by it; nothing seems to matter when there’s no love in our hearts. Our true sufferings are purely outcomes of lack of love and not loving each other enough.

*I don’t even know what to make of the lessons I’ve learned so far. No clearness still as to what my life has amounted to. Even so, I look forward to coming back here soon because I still have stories to tell, thoughts and feelings that must search for their precision through words — before an inescapable juncture starts fogging away everything including the memories.

My hope is also for this blog to be a main testament of my love for animals and the dearest people to me.

*I end up being alone most of the time because I’ve preferred living by my own rules; doing my own thing; standing by my own convictions. Besides, my rich inner life keeps me going. Being on my own isn’t as sad as what the majority would want me to believe. I’ve felt a lot lonelier belonging in a group and as part of a couple.

*Letting go of youth is an advice we should all abide by although it’s been a struggle for me because I just don’t feel old. My 15-year-old self from some 30 years ago is still very much around, yet the woman that reflects back whenever I face the mirror is getting to be a stranger. In my recurring dreams at night, I’d also be running in a field with the beloved pet dogs I had had, hugging and loving them dearly. Then I’d open my eyes in the morning and be brought back to the stinging reality they aren’t with me anymore…and that an immense part of my youth has already been spent.

*My life has been largely devoured by unnecessary pride, the farce of others, and inconsequential stuff. How I’ve paid the most penal price for the passions of this earth. It feels like forever trudging through a valley of regrets.

*Since I’ve lost my father, whenever he dawns on my mind, tears just flow – like rain from the sky that falls unbidden. Tears which flow from a well of pain inside me that harrow deeper with each passing time. It’s the secret of my soul my physical world need not perceive any more. But every song has its end. I’m carrying this pain with me, until my life yields to an absolute silence.

With a love stronger than time and death, my heart could only speak of two people my mind would be embracing in my last breaths – my father and my son. The dearest ones I’ve ever had.

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