I Just Love To Read and Write

woman

I am a confluence of the serious and the frivolous; of dark and light. Mostly, the blogosphere is the place where I hop into whenever I need to escape from the abyss of grief or try brook the snags of an isolated mind. The blogosphere is also where I can assert my privilege to simply be just me…and if I try hard enough, to fashion myself to become better in certain ways. It has served as my salvation.

In a word, I’m pathetic.

Let me go on, however, in an effort to make this post publishable.

We’ve all become aware of the unfortunate upshot of social media and blogging: Narcissism and Solipsism. In many spectral flavors. My American FB acquaintance was right on the money when he alleged how our attention-hungry selves consistently send the signal: Look at me! Look at me! No no, I said…LOOOK at MEEE!

But there’s also this paradox hovering around as to why a number of bloggers turn tail and flee in the wake of their hitting fame. Is privacy subconsciously a lot precious than stardom? What really is their problem? And, is it mere coincidence that they stop blogging the moment they got MY attention?

Well, for me, that at least one soul would be willing to flick through my stuff is enough. Because the hassle of handling a community of (flippant) readers? Pretty overwhelming. Something I’m sure I won’t be able to handle; regardless that I don’t have a life outside my daft routine and two underpaid jobs.

There’s no denying the pleasure I gain in the practice of writing. I like shaping my thoughts and true tales onto a page–even though my blog gets peppered with shameless accounts of my existence, ho-hum insights regarding whatever, contemplation about spiritual bankruptcy, and my highly pitiful attempts at romantic poetry.

Blog writers who put out excellent prose and poetry with matching snapshots amaze me. I wish I were capable of doing what they could — but I guess time and energy keep dodging me. I’ve cogitated, too, on penning articles that address some of my best-loved themes–like Astronomy, Secular Humanism, The Anatomy of Modern Literature, Animal Rights, and World-Class Techniques on Stripteasing (just kidding). Yet the fact others seem to explore them more articulately and with clear-cut competence halt me.

A horrifying realization is the actuality that my co-bloggers have gradually gotten the drift just how much of a loser I am. But hey, you’d better go easy on me because, if truth be told, we’re all kind of losers here…. (please refrain from hitting me with that thing you’re holding). And, indeed, sociopathy in various degrees lurks beneath most of us.

The downside for someone with my status who tells it all here is being misunderstood by a few narrow-minded co-bloggers–especially by the unseasoned young ones. Aren’t they aware that in my country, the lives of famous celebrities are an open book? Whereas those big-time personalities sell their stories for a fat price to magazines — mine is Free. Gratis. Pro bono. On the House. So why, why aren’t you all even thankful?

writergirl2

Back to a serious note, valid affirmations (which I Liked) from a recent Freshly Pressed blog post couldn’t have expressed things better about the writer in every one of us: There will always be words, sentences to alter. We write and write. We write to search ourselves, to record ourselves, to rescue ourselves. Always, writing is a reaching towards something more precise, a rearranging of words to understand something more clearly; to make something solid after having delved deeper. After all, we feel solitary–because we are essentially…alone. That’s why we relentlessly turn to face a blank page.

Image below illustrates it so well.

writergirl

Reading and Writing is what I plan to be doing until my vision runs out and pure white hair starts sticking out in my armpit. So much the better if it could be done with ease and dexterity (the writing, I mean). Now you know why I need to course through your sites: You are all deft and a whole lot better than me as a blogger. You all illuminate my psyche with your experience and sophisticated perspectives. You all inspire me with everything that you are.

But most cogently, you all remind me that I simply have nothing better to do.

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22 thoughts on “I Just Love To Read and Write

  1. Well, I, for one, have never seen you as either “pathetic” or “a loser.” You seem more complex, more intelligent, more deep than the average run-of-the-mill person blogger, and the world isn’t always kind for such as that. Always remember that quality and popularity don’t often coincide.

    Keep in mind that no one is great at something when they begin; all began somewhere and practiced and grew. Look back on how far you’ve come; look forward to what you can become.

    OTOH, teasing about stripteasing… tch, tch, tch. Not fair! ๐Ÿ˜ˆ o_O ๐Ÿ™„ ๐Ÿ˜Ž

    • In the past, I had thought what it would be like to have more than a few followers; maybe it’s exciting for other bloggers but I swear it’s something I won’t be able to handle well. Especially with my kind of blog which is memoir and journal in one. Even in my physical world, I get uneasy in big groups and always end up with only one or two real friends who I really feel comfortable with. I’m so bashful I feel ok with an almost non-existent readership. ๐Ÿ™‚

      Yeah, I recently clicked open some blogs and their number of visitors was puzzling to me. Up to this day, I don’t get why your blog isn’t more popular than the uninteresting ones. But we already know the reason is more on marketing–which you choose not to get into.

      ๐Ÿ˜€ Really, Wyrd, I couldn’t think of any topic that would be off-kilter (yet amusing) so I came up with stripteasing.
      And do you know trying to come up with a light post is quite challenging and a struggle for me? When I was very young, I kept on hearing comedians say how hard it is for them to entertain audience. I was skeptical then. Of course, they were right. Even WordPress’s Freshly Pressed seldom features frivolous entertaining posts which I often hanker for.

      Thanks for your wonderful comment. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • I would agree there are some advantages to not having many participating readers. Bloggers should respond to all comments, so one could end up spending a lot of time doing that. I would imagine that, for really serious, popular bloggers, it must take on a life of its own and become a job or profession. For an old retired sod such as myself, that wouldn’t be the worst thing, but for anyone with more of a life outside blogging, it could be a challenge.

        And I, too, have always had a small number of good friends rather than a large number of casual ones!

        As for blog popularity, blogs are part of “social media” and there is a strong social element involved, I’m come to believe. Likely people who tend to be popular and who surround themselves with friends in real life end up being like that as bloggers. Some welcome and seek social groups and belonging, but others (certain such as me, possibly such as you) do not.

        So, no, I don’t make much effort to publicize my blog. I do secretly wish more would discover it; a fair number of searches bring people to the blog, but almost none spend much time there, let alone comment or join. Meh. It is what it is.

        Comedy, as I’m sure I’ve said before, is very hard. It’s subtle and very much depends on taste and perception. Comic actors frequently turn out to be good dramatic actors (Robin Williams being just one good example), because comedy requires more skill. Fewer dramatic actors turn out to be good comedians (Leslie Nielson being one striking exception). An uncomfortable reality is that most blogs specifically oriented to humor aren’t (at least to me) as funny as they think they are. (But I’m a “tough house” when it comes to comedy.) There are many that are funny at first, but maintaining a quality schtick requires a lot of talent, and talent at that level usually goes pro.

        That is a general truism of blogging. If any of us were really as good as we like to think we are, we’d be writing for a living, not writing free blog articles. Many younger bloggers are learning a craft, and the ones that really develop and become good may go on to greater things. For most, this is more a form of social interaction — chewing the fat over the backyard fence, so to speak.

    • Btw, it’s never been my style hiding a message behind my words. I don’t remember doing it in any of my posts or comments. Whenever I have an issue with someone, I either tell them straight or completely ignore them for some time.

      Warmest Regards ๐Ÿ™‚

      • I’m not sure what you mean, Marj… “little ridiculous doll” is a reference to E.T. (of whom I’ve seen plenty of photos and clips), in particular his attraction for little kids and all the E.T. dolls made for them (and “ridiculous” for being overly cute and the glowing finger and heart). “Go Home!” references the infamous E.T. “go home” meme.

        In short I was mocking (lamenting) E.T. for making more money than Star Wars.

        I got from your message that you regretted that, too. Even if not, I still do — Star Wars is a reference point for SF movies and marks the beginning of mainstream SF. E.T. is just a really cute kids’ movie — not a seminal moment in cinema. That says a lot, I think, about what people seek in entertainment.

    • Ok, thanks for clearing the air :-). I’m relieved…. I assure you, being offensive is never my style and it’ll never be my intention ever.

      Dear friend of mine, is it ok if I read the sites of bloggers who frequent your blog? I am asking permission because they came to my attention through your blog and if I had women followers that would end up becoming a favorite of yours, I may not feel overjoyed about it. It’s a filipino thing to us here (I know, it’s weird but it’s true for most of us). But men are more matured about these things and besides, you’re American which means you don’t think like us. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • I must come off as a real hard-ass. It happens a lot that something I say or do seems uncharacteristic to people at the time, and given the choice between figuring they’ve misinterpreted me and figuring I’ve unexpectedly turned into an asshole, people are totally willing to believe the latter.

        It makes me sad that any regular, careful reader would see in me a tendency to lash out. I don’t dispute the perception; it just bums me out I create it. I’m blunt, and I say what I think, but I try to be polite and even-handed. I’m not unaware that education and experience can rattle some; I can’t help that, but I do try to be kind.

        And you want date other bloggers, do you? ๐Ÿ˜ฎ I guess that’s why they invented the :mrgreen: icon! Green with envy?

        Seriously, though, I know you well enough to know you get jealous, and the tendency isn’t entirely restricted to your country, m’dear. But the blogsphere is boundless — our avatars are not real. Be free to explore what you would explore.

    • Sorry I fell asleep. I stayed up late until 2 am because I’m on leave today at work.

      No no, the word a%#hole doesn’t describe you at all. It’s more appropriate to assign the word to other bloggers but never to you. It may not be so easy for you to accept others hold the exact opposite view (from you), but your good intention to enlighten others is so evident in your blog. Your blog remains as my Numero Uno favorito. ๐Ÿ™‚

      “And you want to date other bloggers, do you?” LOL! Nah. There’s only one site that looks interesting to visit regularly because the blogger is, I think, older than you; has a lot to share to readers; blogs regularly :-). The blog is Mindful Digressions from someone called Doobster. But I did feel guilty clicking Like one of his posts because he came to my notice via your blog. So I thought I should ask your permission. But you know me, unless the blogger is a blogfriend, my fondness to visit his or her blog eventually fades away.

      You must know: I don’t use the WordPress Follow function. But you are the exception because your blog, plus your beautiful mind, deserves my clicking the F button. I follow very very few blogs yet I only use Google bookmark.

      “…our avatars are not real” Honestly, that’s difficult for me to accept. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • I (and you, I believe) tend to represent fairly transparently and genuinely on the interweb — our Avatars are honest, public echoes of the real people behind them. Still, they are public projections — distorted, partial reflections. On some level, they really are cartoon versions of ourselves — the real person is always a lot more complex.

        That’s especially true for public venues — blogs, Facebook, Twitter, etc. Private online interaction is more intimate (which is why some people lose their common sense!), and over time you can get to really know someone. (And you can still be fooled about who that person really is. Catfish are just one extreme possible when people interact wearing masks.)

        Which all just means you don’t know me well enough to really judge my character. If I was a castle, you’ve only seen a few, public rooms. Those rooms are genuine and honest reflections of parts of me, but the castle has way more rooms than you’ve seen.

        That’s kind of true of all online avatars… but experience, history, education and richness of inner life varies between individuals. Some castles take a long time to get to really know — all those twisty, windy passages, and all those different rooms… sometimes even a dungeon!

        As for other bloggers, I’m just glad to know I’m the only one whose F button you’re clicking… ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿป

    • Dear pal, I don’t judge you–and you’ve remained dear to me. Your (polite) bluntness is one of the traits that suits your interesting make up, setting you apart from the rest; something which I find endearing most of the time.

      You don’t feel like blogging any more, I know. ‘Hope you are doing well these days. ‘Been missing you.

      You’ve changed your Avatar image. I can’t say it’s my favorite of all the ones you’ve used. It’s kind of unique, though. ๐Ÿ™‚

      • The DogMan! Vaguely reminds me of my first dog, a Beagle. XD

        I’m temporarily switching my email address while I change to a new ISP after using the same host since 1999 or something like that. I’ve been with them since they were a small local company, but they were bought out by a national company, and they’re shifting to Enterprise support, so it forced me to find another home. That image is linked to that other email, and I just left it that way to remind me to switch back to my main email after the swap.

        It’s weird. One part of me wants to keep on blogging; another part wants to just hang it up. I have bouts of productivity (feel another one coming on), but they never seem to last. [shrug]

        New words for today: acedia. Also Weltschmerz and ennui. They’re all kind of the same thing, and they all apply to me these days.

    • Your last comment to me was below the belt. And you don’t seem to be kidding, knowing what you’re like in the way you lash out at your commenters.

      “well you primitive third-world natives arenโ€™t as cultural and sophisticated as we are!”
      I don’t deserve that kind of remark from you, even as a joke, Wyrd. I don’t. I was never rude to you.
      Shame on you.

      • Marj, I don’t understand how you can so completely misunderstand me. Even after reading so much of my blog, you seem to think me capable of acting in ways that are completely outside my norm.

        It was irony — a pretense. It’s the sort of thing Stephen Colbert does. It was comedy — a statement I assumed was so outrageous to be instantly apparent as meaning the exact opposite of what it stated! I don’t think that way, and I would never think to say anything like that in any way seriously.

        I’m kinda hurt and insulted you think I could.

    • โ€œIโ€™m kinda hurt and insulted you think I could.โ€
      Wyrd, Iโ€™m the one who felt quite hurt and insulted. Your message was very clear. I donโ€™t knowโ€ฆ.it sounds cruelโ€“even for an irony or joke.

      Is it possible that you not misinterpret what a co-blogger has written so you need not strike back in that manner? Oh Wyrd, sometimes I donโ€™t know what to do with youโ€ฆ.(sigh)
      Yet more often, I canโ€™t help but end up trying to understand you. Because Iโ€™m (already) somehow familiar to your ways as a reader of your blog.

      • If I’ve misinterpreted something you’ve said, please say what you feel I’ve misunderstood. I seem to understand that you’re offended by my reply to you in my last post: “Yes, well you primitive third-world natives aren’t as cultural and sophisticated as we are! ๐Ÿ˜ Seriously, though,…”

        But as I’ve explained, I think you misinterpreted what I wrote. I’m sorry if it sounded like I was serious — it was loaded with clues that I pretty much meant the exact opposite. The “straight face” smiley — I only ever use that to show I’m saying something silly with a straight face. Americans “cultural and sophisticated”?!?! Seriously? Have you read me? XD

        Plus, you don’t live in a third-world country, and you aren’t primitive. (I assume you are a native of your country.) And the second paragraph starts with “Seriously, though…” which means what came before wasn’t serious. โ—

        Everything about it screamed, “This isn’t real!!” Maybe I’m fooled by your being so fluent in English; is this a language thing? Did the joke part completely miss you? There was no sense that I was speaking ironically or sarcastically? โ“

    • My impression was you weren’t pleased with my observation about western films being lacking in “feelings.” So you hit back with the fact that we don’t even measure up to your kind.
      I actually have an article here two years ago about western films compared to Asian films. So I used the idea in my comment to your last post. No intention on my part whatsoever to belittle American films in any way–just the differrence between ours and yours.

      I was just shocked at your response yesterday morning. That’s all. Wyrd, of course I belong to a third world country. You know that. ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Your next post is very touching, Marj! I think I can understand why you closed comments, but if you did open them, I’m sure you’d get nothing but support and well wishes. You do from me, plus I clicked the non-existent [Like] button.

    interesting that we both posted stories about the dear departed!

    Be good to yourself!

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