Women Kicking Men’s Ass, in the Movies, that is (emended&edited)

Originally Published: January 28, 2012

 

“I am the deadliest woman on this planet.” Beatrix Kiddo declared as she flaunts a stony look in Quentin Tarantino’s outstanding action-packed film “Kill Bill.” It’s the ultimate line I wish I could deliver in equal stoic fashion — sans the subsequent chuckle.

Kill Bill, Salt, Resident Evil, Matrix trilogy, Charlie’s Angels and most recently, Steven Soderbergh’s Haywire starring female martial arts expert Gina Carano all feature sexy, beautiful, smart ladies you can’t mess around with. Such a thrill to watch these movies depicting formidable kick-ass women.

Lucy Liu’s graceful nevertheless dangerous moves in her slam-bang movie with Antonio Banderas “Ballistic:Ecks vs Sever” held my complete attention. Ditto for Daryll Hannah’s malevolence as Elle Driver in all her ice-cold lethal charm in “Kill Bill.”

One thing though, majority of the movies of this genre have the hardest time convincing me the ladies could physically battle and defeat single-handedly an all-male batallion. Uma Thurman’s acting might be convincingly tough but she looked skinny and frail. Yet she was able to maim nearly a hundred samurais dressed in suits who were all below her height and who moved hysterically with their swords like queer little men possessed by ogre spirits. Oh please don’t get me wrong – I’m a fan of Quentin Tarantino and “Kill Bill” is an all-time favorite of mine.

Evelyn Salt – played by the slender-figured Angelina Jolie – engaged in some judo karate combating burly CIA agents. Cool. Though while watching, my mind was like “Yeah right…next thing we know, she’d be lifting an eight-wheeler truck using just one arm.”

Exceptionally entertaining but fantastically unbelievable. Can’t stop scratching my head.

I recall my father’s sweeping remark, “What silly movies — women can never be physically stronger than men.” How I’ve come to agree with him. He had always been cynical about it all — albeit one of his favorite TV series was Angie Dickinson’s “Policewoman.” Well…

Be that as it may, let me tell you that in some parallel world, I am the swash-buckling Milla Jovovich in the movie “The Three Musketeers.” Head strong, driven, conniving, calculating, indomitable, you name it. And how incredibly beautiful. So…

Get out of my way, baby.