Hope you don’t mind if I share every now and then little facts of my existence:
Both my brother and sister are not in their best health. I’m not saying mine is perfect, there are demons (esp as to giving in to sweets and carbs) I continue to battle — but my siblings always have been more than reluctant to sacrifice the good stuff they’ve been used to in exchange for an improved sense well-being.
I could only subscribe to the old maxim “we get what we deserve.” The problem is both their medical conditions could’ve been contributing to the gloom and tension that blasted soon after my brother’s cancer diagnosis a few months ago.
I was raised from a very broken family. My parents despised each other. There was division between as our parents required their children to take sides. And it carried on even long after our parents’ death.
Among us three, my father’s looks, determination and character had been passed on to me. If my acute bashfulness hadn’t been an obstacle, I strongly believe I wouldn’t have been an underachiever. I could say the same for my misanthropic streak which could’ve been borne out of a solitary upbringing bcz my parents hardly paid attention to me when I was growing up. No no, this isn’t a “poor me” piece. Although there had been countless times when I bled profusely and managed so as not to let anyone notice, I more often appreciate the strength and independence my exiled introvert being have afforded me.
Today has been more of a rough day and I hope writing something will somehow redeem my spirits.