Lack of chaos. Serenity. Words that fit in painting the actual sphere where I currently move and engage my senses. A slave to unnecessary emotions no more – that’s something that took a long time to come about. It’s been peaceful, indeed. I’ve shied away from men here who wanted to get closer, and I’ve doubted anything out there could be worth giving up the current comfort I’m savoring, owing to the absence of romantic dramas around me in recent times. Sometimes I question what could ensue in the face of an unexpected occurrence that holds a potential to rustle my calm or bend my will (Hold it – this isn’t another of my meditative posts). Surprisingly, an incident last weekend might have given me the answer to that.
My favorite time of the week, Saturday, commenced with my trip to National Bookstore where I ended up puchasing a – uhrm – Virginia Woolf classic (Hey, don’t think I didn’t hear you. So I’m an ambitious reader, huh? 🙂 ). Watching “Guardians of the Galaxy” had already been incorporated in my agenda so I proceeded to Gateway Mall to check out the cinema schedules. I was looking up at the lighted box, trying to decide on a screening time when somebody stepped and stood in front of me. It took me around four seconds to recognize the guy. Oh, it was my son’s Music teacher from way back. Let’s just call him (by the pronoun) He. I noticed He looks a bit…rounder now. Especially down the belly section.
After the Hello and Good-to-see-you exchange. He asked me to sit somewhere with him at one of the tables in the fastfood area so we could talk and catch up on the people we both knew. He also said he doesn’t teach in Claret anymore. He has gone back to pursuing his Law studies which is being supported by his parents and sisters. He is still with his long-time girlfriend.
Let me narrate first to you my history with this dude: It was more than five years ago. I was a single mom who conjectured a real relationship wasn’t what I really needed. I’d grown weary of the highs and lows caused by actual amorous alliances that anything less complicated became more appealing to me. Perhaps something more casual and nonbinding would suit me better. But it couldn’t be with just anybody. The right buddy or special acquaintance would be ideal. My son’s grade school Music teacher, who had been a chum, suddenly fell into my lap. Great timing – as he seemed to be the one who could fit my needs (Er – he’s 10 years younger; there’s no single man my age anymore). Good-looking, tall, smart. Another bonus: we both love music. We entered into some kind of arrangement; the kind in which emotions couldn’t come between us. He had always played around anyway even though he already had a girlfriend (Ah, musicians). That specific reality about him was no longer my problem, I inferred (Yeah yeah, not good of me – and a huge mistake, I know. Believe me, I’ve repented).
Well, you might have guessed what followed. I started having some “feelings” when I shouldn’t. The Danger sign blinked sharply: Time to pull out. Good thing we were both busy. We were soon able to let each other drift apart. I fell into another real relationship. For years we’ve lost touch.
Last weekend, though, He was confident that we could easily slip back to the way things used to be.
He: We can go back to the way we once were.
The idea caused sudden repulsion in me I flinched. He asked why.
Me: I’d rather have you as a friend.
He: We can be friends again, too.
I knew what he meant, and I knew it’s time to be more forthright. We used to be merry comrades who were comfortable being candid with each other anyway.
Me: You have no job. You look 16 pounds heavier now. You are living with your girlfriend. And you’re suggesting this. (I snapped my fingers for clearer impact) As if it were a piece of cake. You’re incredible.
He: I’ll be crooning you with your favorite songs anew everytime we’re together.
Something from my gut blurted “Ick!” As if he looked and could belt like music dreamboat Harry Connick, Jr. Exasperated by our chat, I told him, “Let’s go” and rose to my feet (What I meant was it’s time for us to go our separate ways). When he stood up, his smug aura projected he completely misunderstood what I just said and didn’t get my point. I sat down again.
Me: I mean I’m going home. You should go home, too.
He sat down as well and started using another of his former tactics – pleading. The deduction that going home early to his waiting partner had become a monotonous pattern for him blared transparently. While he yammered on attempting to convince me hooking up again would be a very good idea, I looked at him and wondered how I could have even developed affection for this guy in the past.
I decided to make things easier for both of us. Bolting from my seat, I said “bye” and matched my steps with a laid-back smile plus a wave of my hand. He looked surprised. Then he nodded. I walked straight off and didn’t look back. I was relieved, feeling glad to claim back the rest of the night for the activities I had originally planned. “Guardians of the Galaxy” proved entertaining, and it alerted me to a delightful talent in new hottie Chris Pratt. Have I mentioned he’s got perfect abs, too?
Indeed, how time changes things.
My amusing encounter with Mister Smug helped inform me of a fact or two about myself.
Somehow, it all made me feel better.