I’m Going To Europe For The 3rd Time

My favorite destination: Europe. My flight is tonight. I’ll be staying within that continent for two weeks. I’m spending Christmas and New Year there, too.

It’s my very first solo journey. Completely on my own. Prepared for several months for this. Am I petrified? You bet I am. They keep on saying it’s the dead of winter now in that part of the globe. and I easily feel cold. So again, am I petrified? The correct answer should be: will it help if I am?

I hope to see falling snow. It’s my dream. I’m not sure I’ll get the chance to witness such a spectacular view. I hope I will.

Whenever  I travel abroad I make this tiny assumption I may not be able to come back. One thing I learned about life: You never know what’s gonna happen next. Anyway, I wrote this post a testament as well to the love of my life, my father and all the pets I’ve had. I’m gonna miss my cat, Snowy, who I have to leave behind for a while until I come back. My brother and his partner will look after him.

I’ll be posting photos as soon as I can. and I will add more to this post later as I am in a hurry; I’m on my way to the airport. Wish me a very happy and safe trip.

Advertisements

most beautiful people on the planet

The norwegians. I’ve seen other citizens from half a dozen places on this earth yet the unadorned physical good looks of the Norway inhabitants I consider exceptional. It amazed me to see young women working as security guards and waitresses who looked like movie stars. Mere clerks at airport booths are hunks with flawless, a bit reddish complexion and perfect facial features that literally took my breath away.

The thing is, they aren’t polite or kind. Most of them are rude. I guess their looks and the affluence of their nation made them that way.

Still, if I have to choose which country I would like to live in forever, Norway it is — if only for the best-looking natives in that magnificent land.

gem1
I took this cute image somewhere in a beautiful place in Norway last year. 

I Wonder Who

My stats show somebody from the Philippines keeps on dropping by my blog regularly. I hope it isn’t any of my former colleagues at my last job because it’s not fair that they continue to be engrossed as to what’s going on in my daily existence while I don’t give an ounce of attention over any of them. Sure a few are still somewhat connected to me on FB although I’d unfollowed them all because their affairs just don’t interest me.

I don’t mind if I have a follower who’s a complete stranger. Whatever I write here won’t be much of an issue to him or her.

What if that consistent visitor happens to be my son? Oh well…. He ‘kinda told me off in one of his recent text messages about my hidden resentment towards him. When I read his note, my mind was like “wtf, you expect me to be happy and proud of your unconscionable demeanor towards your mother for the past three years?” Of course I know he’s been reading my blog — he was the one who set it up in the first place. He’s probably checking periodically if I’m still alive. He still has a hard time believing I’ve lasted this long on my own.

I visited and talked to him during the height of the dreadful crisis last month. Because I wanted him to at least do the right thing and pay his last respects to someone who had loved him dearly. Mind you, the brat was once more so full of himself to think about other people other than his ego and imagined hurt pride. I can’t believe I raised that huge of a monster.

During our text messaging and especially in our last conversation face to face I kept telling him I love him. It’s true — he’s my child. The 22 years we’d been together 24/7 cannot be erased; even though it’s become clear he doesn’t love me. The boy who grew up with me — despite losing him eventually — still remains in my heart.

He’d definitely condemn me again if he reads this post. I say, “Dear child, it only proves you are not a De Leon — which I am and truly proud of. You are a Mamaradlo; only your father’s blood runs deep and pure in you.”

I gave him instructions (what to do) when it’s my time to pass away. Cremation and no funeral for me. Not surprising if he ends up tossing out my ashes wherever (although I hope it’d be in some beautiful sea 🙂 ). His inexplicable indignation no doubt he will hold on to.

I’d been a good and responsible mother; that I can uphold until the end of my days. May I be able to live many many more years to rejoice on that fact and take delight with what’s left in my life.

 

24271103_10211000818597103_237631783_o (1)
dinner after hearing mass on the 9th day. Feeling terrible; not motivated to make myself pretty.

the best self-help book ever

Dale Carnegie’s “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living“: I read it more than a dozen years ago; it made a strong impact on me. I’ve been reading it again due to recent circumstances and still consider it the most helpful of all the books designed to assist one in the most trying times.

Just had a gathering with close relatives and immediate family members and all I could think of was what motormouths those people are. You literally won’t be able to get a word in. It would’ve been ok if they had been uttering anything sensible; but they talk nonsense, are religious fanatics and even believe in ghosts. It’s almost impossible to receive consolation for your grief and feel ease from the emotional burden around them. How stressful it is to be in their company.

Rereading Dale Carnegie’s opus offers more solace. It’s also excellently written, provides true stories of both the famous and non-famous who were able to conquer their inner troubles, and every advice is simply practical and true. According to the author himself, which I heartily agree with, there’s nothing new from the lessons he imparted, yet many of the messages and real tales compiled only serve as a reminder of things that have been repeatedly tested and proven faithful to the facts of life.

Some of the most memorable points for me are:

I stood yesterday. I can stand today. and I will not permit myself to think about what might happen tomorrow. p.286

Accept and cooperate with the inevitable. Face the worst that can happen. Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.

It is so. It cannot be otherwise.

To be wronged or robbed is nothing unless you continue to remember it.

Don’t fuss about trifles. Don’t permit little things–the mere termites of life–to ruin your happiness.

When I was tempted to feel sorry for myself, I kept saying to myself over and over, “Now listen, as long as you can walk and feed yourself and are free from intense pain, you ought to be the happiest person in the world. No matter what happens, never forget that as long as you live. Never! Never!

Makes  a great deal of sense for folks like me who’ve arrived at this phase of our lives. What a gem of a book.

what do i know

Funny how so many things about life still keep on surprising me. More than a few have deemed me smart, very wise, sensible–even though I lack the right amount of intellect and spunk to become exceptional and rich.

Born in the mid-60’s, turned out a loner and a social misfit most of the time, went to college, held a number of jobs, got married at 26 years of age, had a baby, became a single parent (on and off) soon after, struggled for years raising a child by myself, had hoped for the rainbows to rise in the end. And I thought I’d already earned all the wisdom and knew the lessons of the world.

Now I only feel taken aback as to why some things culminate the way they do. What happened between me and my son? How could I have lost almost everything at this stage of my life?

Maybe I’m just in a state of shock these days — losing my mother all of a sudden, tragically. Guilt can be such a heavy burden. For someone like me who feels and thinks too much. Life sucks.

of men, bots, and relationships

My FB “pals” recently had an amusing discussion on sexbots and I found this comment from brad torgersen a thrilling possibility.
“Sex droids may well doom the human species, beyond religious and/or Luddite communities who see it as a duty to continue to procreate for procreation’s sake. Forget the female droids. When convincing male droids arrive, it’s over. Women will pay top dollar for a robo-boyfriend who never goes out late with the guys, never gets drunk, never smokes or has other bad or annoying habits, never has bad hygiene, is sculpted physically in exactly the way any woman wants (especially “down there”) and—this is the most important part—never prematurely ejaculates, is always as big and as hard as the woman needs, for as long as she needs it, and the droid can be programmed to “sex talk” her in her favorite actor’s voice. Hell, the droid can look exactly *like* her favorite actor, if she wants. Actors could handsomely *retire* on licensing their voices and imagery, simply for this purpose.”
Me (in my room while reading): Hah!
A friend named Holly had this response to brad: If I could get all that and never have to deal with a human male again as far as a personal relationship goes, count me in. I never got all that from any man, it does’t exist. Only deceit, dishonesty and selfishness.
This is from a formerly long-term married woman who is the most loyal, trustworthy, honest person you could meet. I won’t give any man the chance to kick me in the teeth again.
It seems a lot of women are as jaded as I am when it comes to relationships with men. Honestly, in my vision, they’ve come to all look alike not to mention they all behave pretty much the same way.
A very young lady who has started working for me is seeing a lesbian and it makes me wonder if dating a gal isn’t as stressful as dating a dude or won’t end up as shitty. The idea of romancing another woman, however, sounds bland and is so uninspiring to me as I’m every inch straight — no matter how I’ve been told repeatedly lesbians do it best when it comes to “that.”
On a serious note, I’d pondered how my life has been so peaceful since I’ve lost interest to be part of a couple. Barely a month ago a younger man who was probably one of my customers — his face was familiar —  tried to make small talk while I was waiting for a jeepney on my way home. A brief smile and nod were all I’d be willing to spare as a comeback. Another time someone would smile at me on a train; I awkwardly smiled back so he wouldn’t feel he got snubbed then I hurriedly looked away. Also, a few had made an effort to befriend me online and establish some chat interaction yet I’d somehow find a reason to completely cut off ties soon enough.
Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy dealing with men and I can find pleasure by being plain friendly to them although I take extra care these days to avoid misinterpretation. And I do still enjoy watching and reading feel-good romance stuff — yeah, even at my age, don’t laugh.
But my reality makes it clear I’m not suited for whatever it is I might be missing. Just like I’m not the kind who’s wired to experience lasting felicity just by being the other half of a twosome. No need to remind anyone of my deeds and decisions in the past on matters of the heart which are something I’m not proud of. That it’s more likely my low self-esteem caused all that is a harrowing truth. What’s the point going through all that again?
Somebody had asked, “Isn’t it lonely?” Frankly, I don’t know…or maybe, I can’t tell anymore. But the answer most probably is “Not at all.” A hard-core introvert that I am, solitude has never been an issue; sorrows, troubles out of love alliances and despair from romantic attachment were.
But hold it, I’m definitely counting on that robo-boyfriend my FB pals are talking about. Surely it’ll come out very soon. Make it very very soon. 🙂

Otto Wambier’s Tragic Case Broke My Heart

Image result for images of a younger Otto Warmbier

Quite so. The boy was only 22 years old; three years younger than my son. Otto didn’t deserve the kind of fate that was handed to him. I can only imagine how terrified he must have felt last year during the process and his trial and the days that followed after receiving his sentence. The most vile, trashy news site which is Yahoo.com published heartless reader comments that even blamed this poor young man for his choice to go to North Korea and committing the mistake of taking down a banner to take home as souvenir. Many Liberals expressed similar thoughts while displaying their appalling demeanour toward the issue. How low could these people get.

I have very little compassion for the K citizens, whether they belong to the North or the South. I know their real nature as I’ve dealt with these type of beings for 10 long years. What little respect I’d previously held for the Obama administration, due to its inaction, completely dissipated as well.

My deep condolences to Otto Wambier and his family. My heart feels heavy every time I think about this unnecessary tragedy.

Final pictures show laughing Otto Warmbier days before arrest in North Korea