It can get daunting. Thinking of the remaining lessons life has yet to teach me. Sustained by a life that has hoped for a destiny that believes in undying love and happy endings – with the people I have loved – I can never get used to setting a place for the “unexpected guest.”
I often get tired of being viewed as a woman of strength. Or as an indestructible one. Because I truly am not. Not all the time, at least. I’m no different from the rest. At times when child or job concerns overwhelm me, I curl up in bed; wanting to hide away from it all; wishing a higher power would transport me to my personal utopia – where I could feel like “I’m the King of the World.” Imagining of that special place where I could surrender to every thing my heart asks for.
There is nothing solid on this blogging sphere I sometimes lose myself into. Yet we are all in need of an alternative realm to help us in momentarily escaping our blistering truths and chained existences. And I, for one, didn’t come here to alter the state of humanity – which is a boh-ring and futile endeavour (I’ll have better luck coercing a carabao to sing). Nor have I come to impress anyone with some novel ideas, or the freshest perspectives. So please hear me as I say this one more time: I come here simply to put my f#%king thoughts down.
Only through writing can I bare my true feelings, my wounds, my blunders, my joys, my despair, my silliness, my sentiments. That this art is darn hard work I’ve learned to struggle with. But similar to most of the things in my life I gradually warm up to – be it a task or a way of living; either bringing me pleasure or adding up to my advantages – there is nobody and nothing that could stop me. A few have deemed me quietly driven, headstrong, even cold-hearted at times … “There she stays put.” they might infer once more. Well, my time isn’t up yet. I still aim to claim my place in the sun.
Phrases, thoughts, and lines…meaningful in their own way. They walk beside me; under the moonlight, in the rain, by the sea, in movement together with the restless sky… Dispensing with whatever deadwood that’s surrounding me. Eventually.
Oh, I’m going to be a vagabond writer someday.